Today as it was a VERY slow day at work, I began going through all the photos in my #iphone , and deleting all of the junk. As I did so I stumbled upon so many old gems that took me down memory lane. All of my son of course. He’s 2 now, soon to be three, but he’s the best thing to ever happen to me. I know you’re thinking…. everyone says that right? Well yes! But sometimes us parents also tell you the truth, that these adorable pint sized monsters are driving us crazy and sucking the life out of us, all while loving us and being sweet at the perfect moments. I found everything from my very first ultrasound, being in the hospital for delivery, newborn pics, first birthday, all the way the most recent.
As I went through these older ones, especially around 1 year old where he began walking and talking, but still had that baby look and still needed me for most things; it just melted my heart. I could feel my ovaries getting warm and fuzzy, and then I began to think……. What if I never get a second chance at this? She’s just being dramatic, I know that’s what you’re thinking. But my son’s my miracle baby. My pregnancy was very difficult and exceptionally scary, not to mention I did and have done this all alone this entire time. But would I change it? NOPE!
Ever since my son has been born, I haven’t really actually dated. Maybe a relationship or a getting to know a person stage here and there, but nothing lasting more than a few months. Mostly I’m my own worst enemy. I think I usually end up finding some reason or way to sabotage it or convince myself that it won’t or couldn’t work, or I pick guys that there’s no way in hell it could ever workout with. It’s just that deep down I have this feeling that it’s just going to be myself and my son for a long time and that’s it. Like I am unworthy and don’t deserve something good IF (and that’s a very big IF) it did even exist somewhere out there. I mean, have y’all seen the dating pool lately? It’s like trying to pick out the most appealing piece of garbage from a dumpster. Most men just want to sleep with you and don’t understand why that isn’t enough….. To me it’s just not even worth the time or the effort. I do realize this doesn’t apply to ALL men, but I haven’t been able to find the right fit just yet.
I know plenty of amazing, wonderful women far more beautiful than myself who are single, and it’s like if they can’t have it all then there’s no hope for the rest of us. Nowadays you just have to settle, and ladies NOT A SINGLE ONE OF US SHOULD HAVE TO SETTLE! We deserve something amazing and great and pure. So I’ll keep holding out hope that maybe just maybe, God has some amazing sweep you off your feet man for me. Because there’s no way I will have another child without being married.
Please don’t take this blog wrong, I do not let this define me. I am who I am, which is a kicka$$, single, hardworking mom. But I just can’t help but think every now and then how nice it might be to have someone who loved myself and my son as their own, and who would happily help share the ups and down and load of life with me. My goal is to be the absolute best role model for him that I can be, provide everything we need, teach him how love the lord, himself and me. One of the most important things I have began doing is making sure he knows he to treat the women in his life. Opening doors for them, making sure he and I have date nights etc.
Here’s to hoping that happy endings DO still exist ❤